Time travel would make watching TV better

So, the door to your house has inexplicably become untied from the fabric of time – and it can now take you to any time of your choosing (provided you stay in your house.) What time do you go to? Maybe you go to the future, and start Googling – learning impossible things to take back to the present with you to pursue your new career as a psychic. Maybe you go to the past, to stop yourself from ever uploading that awesome song onto YouTube.

“THEY’LL CALL YOU A HOMO, MAN”

The possibilities are literally endless – with that in mind, it would take a real pathetic loser to even consider using this amazing ability for something as petty as jumping ahead in time to find out what happens next in his favourite TV show. That’s where I come in.

There are very few dates of which I can guarantee I will be doing something interesting. For example, I have no idea what I will be doing on January the 5th 2018, because that date means nothing to me. I do, however, know that on June 30th 2013, I will be watching the first episode of the new series of Dexter – and that would be the first place the door took me. Why? Because I’m an impatient bastard, that’s why.

No more will I sit, stressed, thinking about how Debra will react to her new life, or how Hank will react to reading a book.

“WORDS, MY ONLY WEAKNESS”

The benefits don’t stop there, either. Once you have watched the show, the information doesn’t simply leave your head once you return to the present. You now have knowledge that hundreds of thousands of people would kill to know. It’s time to head on over to IMDb and make some startlingly accurate predictions about how Walt will die, or how Jersey Shore will never be cancelled, no matter how much everybody in the universe wants it to be.

Assuming it’s possible to bring back physical items with you, you could really start to screw with everybody. Time to start downloading the episode in the future, returning to the past, and uploading it there – perhaps before it was ever even made. You could literally be the ultimate spoiler machine.

It’s not even just TV that this would work with; you could go forwards in time to watch (or pirate, you sly dog) an unreleased movie. You could predict with 100% accuracy that The Hangover Part III is going to be a god-awful movie (Implying you would need time travelling abilities to do that.) 

It’s really just something to think about, though. I mean, I’m not completely sure that if I had the powers to manipulate time, I would even remotely give a shit about TV any more. I’m pretty sure I’d be more preoccupied with much more important things, such as seeing if I could beat my future self in an arm wrestle.

“Keep trying you old wanker”

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6 responses to “Time travel would make watching TV better

  1. I would go forward, find the next Harry Potter craze. Steal it and publish it as my own. That or find out something to bet on that would make me a zillionaire.

    Or go back and buy majority shares in Apple, Microsoft, Sony etc.

    • All timely and logical things to do, but you’re gonna be in the dark when it comes to knowing what happens in the next episode of Sons of Anarchy… enjoy your riches, you poor fool!

      Haha, cheers for the reply!

    • I’m surprised anybody needed warning about Lost after season 3/4. It was clear by this point that they were writing themselves into a deep hole, and there would be no satisfying and logical conclusion to any of the stories.

      For what it’s worth, I agree that the ending wasn’t that bad. It was really the only way they could have ended it after everything that happened, haha.

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